Coping with Grief

 Over the course of my 32 trips around the sun I have definitely had many loses, to death, failed relationships-romantic, platonic, jobs, friends, etc. I’ve had my way of mourning each. Being an empath, by definition, the ability to share and understand other’s feelings, I have mourned for those close to me who have losses, too! Exhausting to say the least.

I can just think in the past 10 years: Ashton, Larry, Paw Paw Vick, Michael, KeJuanna, Damia, Brittany, Darnell, Khalil, Schenia, Patience(Pai Pai), Auntie Annette, Mahogany. These are just the ones I can recall.

2021 was 6 ALONE! It mentally broke me. My 2021 started off with my 2 little cousins passing. I was hurt, not because of the relationship we had, because of the one we didn’t. I am big on family. I’ve always wanted to be close and active among my relatives. Never happened. So, to lose two who I knew, but didn’t actually KNOW hurt. The idea of never knowing them hurt more.

April 11,2021 at 4:30 PM, I will never forget my good Gal Pal calling me. It was out the ordinary because she isn’t a caller. Will text you, but not big on the phone. She informed me that one of our girls passed. I felt whatever I had built, fell. My heart hurt. I had lost a lot of male friends due to Chicago’s violence, but it was something different about losing one of my girls. I couldn’t fantom it. We were supposed to live forever and enjoy life always, right? Brittany’s death was one of the hardest I would encounter, or so I thought.

Darnell. Darnel, Darnell. My babez. If I knew what love was, he would have been my first love. (that’s another post lol) Darnell and I broke up November 2020. Although broken up, we kept in contact. April 2, 2021, was the last time I saw him, physically and the day I chose to release him and date others. (Again, I will touch on this in my next blog). We would still text and facetime, but it became very seldom, compared to almost every day. The day before he died, he called me and I just feel it in my heart he was on his way to see m. I will never know and that eats me up.

The deaths I’ve experienced have shown me that I grieve HARD. I am not good at all with death.

My childhood friend, Mahogany, was my latest loss. Our mothers grew up on the same block and so did we. We didn’t talk on the phone or anything, but we kept in contact on social media and saw each other and events. My last time seeing her was in 2020 at a block club party. This was before she got sick and she was having a great time. Her passing hurt, she was heavily loved by her family and friends. But her beautiful spirit, despite what she was going through touched me. She had a TikTok where she just spoke prophetic and encouraging words, in the midst of her storm. I refuse to mourn her. I took it as a moment to reflect on the good times we had growing up, as kids, being silly and innocent.

And to you all reading this, dealing with any type of grief: take it one day at a time. Life is a ball that keeps rolling. You will have bad moments, accept and acknowledge them, don’t stay there. Losing a loved one is never easy, nor is losing something you love. Let it go but keep the GOOD memories. If it is something or somebody (relationship, friendship, etc.) it just may need to have been a sailed ship.

Only you know how to deal with coping with grief. The last thing you want to do is be like me and lose yourself. I'm struggling to become the me I was before the 2021. I shut down, anxiety and depression took over my life, BAD. So now I'm in the process of recovering and coping. I have a small business, Malea's Closet that I am consuming myself in, Nursing school and above all, My Kid. She's suffered, too. 

Give yourself grace and time. Losing someone creates an emptiness that's hard to fill. Pick something to help you cope. Somethings can be:

• Exercising
• Spending time with loved ones
• Journaling
• Picking up a new hobby
• Painting 
• Finding reasons to smile and laugh
• and Breathe